The Volcano Beast (and other disasters)

I was doing laundry today and the girls were "helping" me.  I sent them upstairs, each with a pair of boys underwear in hand to put up.  Time went by and I went on folding laundry downstairs.  I figured they got distracted with Lego's or something else forbidden by their brothers if they were home from school.  I should have known the trouble those two mess makers could get into in only 15 minutes!

When I finally got around to checking on them I found every single article of clothing my two boys own on the bed.....how thoughtful of them not to throw it on the floor, right? 

I walked in the room and squealed in horror.  They looked up at me proud and said "We're doing laundry Mama!" 

Yes, those are flower print sheets on my son's bed.  When you wet the bed at 3 AM, well, you get what you get and don't throw a fit. 

In other household news, Zander is studying space in school.  He had to create an Alien and write a report.  He loved this assignment!  He got into my recycle box and made his creature out of 4 paper towel tubes, an egg crate, and a raisin container.  Then he added a little paint, a lot of duct tape, and the top of a pineapple and I present to you...

THE VOLCANO BEAST

A few facts about his alien, which he presented in front of his class:

• The Volcano Beast is from Venus.
• He is 18 years old.
• When living on Venus the Volcano Beast usually got hit by lava.
• He likes to eat lava and bad guys.  (Hints the bad guy wrapped in his tail.)
• He likes to dig for fun.
• Zander hopes that one day his alien will teach him to breath fire.
• In return, Zander hopes to teach his alien friend how not to eat people. 

Sun vs. Son

My husband and I are raising our children without a "religion".  We believe they are to young to understand and don't want to condition their little minds.  Our goal is to let them decide for themself when they reach an age of maturity.  Instead we focus on teaching them love, compassion, and discipline.  With that said, Zander is the only 6 year old I know that can point out a picture of Jesus, Buddha, and Krishna....and tell you about all three.  I'm not saying this to boast or condemn anyone or their personal beliefs....just giving you a little background inside our family for this very funny story.....

My conversation with Zander (age 6) as we were cleaning my room.

Zander:  Mom, next Thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful for Jesus.

Me:  Great.  Why do you say that? 

Zander:  I love playing outside.

Me:  Huh?  I don't understand.

Zander:  I love playing outside.  Jesus is the god of the sun you know.

Tiger Cub

Zander is a Tiger Cub in Boy Scouts.  He lOVES it....especially the uniform.  So handsome.

Showing off the boy scout sign. 

I love this little man.  Anyone want to buy some popcorn?  It's his boy scout fund raiser.  Apparently the kernels are made of gold because it's so darn expensive.  I feel guilty asking friends and family to buy from him!  Thanks to 3 people (Jay, Jacque, & Memaw!) Zander has already gone well over the $125 mark and will receive a swiss army knife.  (3 sales, $160, told you it must be made of gold!) 

Fat Man

It's almost my favorite holiday.....HALLOWEEN! 

I figure this is the last year I will be able to pick out the girls costumes, so I better make them good.  I am stumped on ideas....anyone have any??

Zander wants to be a super hero.  Not any ol' super hero, he made up his own.  It's his Incredible Hulk muscle costume under his Red Power Ranger costume.  He came down stairs the other day in his get up....it was horrible!  The Power Ranger costume is 2 year old and has been in many of battles.  I would throw it out, but they love it so much, I haven't the heart.  He's still trying to come up with a name.  In the mean time, I am trying to talk him out of this horrible idea of his.  I just had a great idea, Astro Boy!  He loves that movie and it would be super easy and fun....I can't wait 'till morning to ask him what he thinks.

As for Gavin, well, he thought his brother's idea of layering the dress up clothes was brilliant. 

"What are you suppose to be Gavin?"  I asked.

"A fat man!" 

I tried not to laugh, but it was hilarious.  I told him no, he whined and begged but I stood firm.  Can you imagine the looks and stares we would get walking down Brookside at Boo Ha Ha.  Yeah, my son is a fat man...??? 

Oh, but the story gets worse and even more politically incorrect.  My 4 year old then said, "Fine.  I'll just be a man with a giant penis for halloween." 

I about had a heart attack. 

Deep Thoughts with Zander

Zander is definitely his father's son.  This is his conversation with Gavin today at lunch.

Gavin:  "Mom, your flowers are dying." 

Zander:  "Everything dies Gavin.  That's life."

Gavin:  "I know..."

Zander:  "I mean everything dies....plants, people, animals, even this house will one day die."

Gavin: "Yeah, I KNOW!"

Zander:  "Flowers have a short life Gavin."

Gavin:  "I know."

Zander:  "Do you know what even has a shorter life than a flower?"

Gavin:  "Ummm....what?"

Zander:  "Voice.  "

**SCREAMS**

"See?  That sound already died.  It's over."

**WOOOO!**

"See?  That sound I made already died too. That's life Gavin."

Pretty deep for a 1st grader. 

Stylin'

We've got style!

Yes, we do!

We've got style,

How 'bout you?

When you see us around town, no judging.  My 2 older children dress themselves.

Oh, Zander.  That is an Incredible Hulk muscle costume under his clothes.  He wants people to think he's buff.  He's outside skateboarding right now in this get up.  I told him it's hot, but he's determined to prove me wrong.  This is coming from the kid who refused to wear shorts last summer....even to the splash pads. 

Dear Zander,

I can't believe you are already six years old!  You will always be my baby boy....but you have such an old soul.  You have a big responsibility being the oldest of four children....and you take that job very seriously.  You are such a good big brother to your baby sisters.  You love to "read" to them and everyday sit with them in the bathroom determined to potty train them.

You are a very sensitive boy and do what is expected of you.  Because of this, you pretty much get whatever you want.  All you have to do is say, "Please Mom?" and look at me with your big brown eyes and I melt and do whatever you ask. 

You are 6 going on 16.  Style is very important to you.  You like skinny jeans and converse and want to dress like a teenager.  You keep begging me so you can take break dancing lessons.  You refuse to wear baggy jeans or cargo pants.  You think "fat shoes" and long shorts makes you look like Sponge Bob. 

A few weeks go you killed a spider outside and came in to brag about it.  I informed you that the killing was unnecessary and explained that spiders helped control the insect population and next time to let the spiders living outdoors live.  An hour later, we were driving down the road and you began to sob uncontrollably.  I asked you what as wrong and you defended your spider killing. 

"I love all animals Mom!  I am a protector of all animals.  That spider I killed was going to kill other bugs!  Defenseless bugs like beetles!  I love beetles!  I protect bugs!!" 

Zander, you were an emotional mess.  And I love you for it.  That's just an example of what a thoughtful, sensitive boy you are. 

You love to fight and wrestle with your brother.  You are kind of mean to him and like to torture him and tattle and get him in trouble.  He makes you so mad when he mimics what you say and follows you around.  He admires you so much....but he just gets on your nerves.  You're lucky that I can totally relate, because I'm also the oldest child.

My first love.  My first born.  I never knew what love was until I saw you come out of me....yes, the doctor put a giant mirror "down there" and I saw you with my very own eyes come out of me!  It was frightening and amazing all rolled into one.  While you were still inside me (TMI?!) I grabbed you under your arms and "delivered" you myself and brought you to my chest.  It was the most magical experience I've ever had.  All the pain from the 14 hour natural labor vanished.  You made everything worth it. 

I love you with all my heart and can't wait to see what adventures we have in the next year.  You are every mother's dream. 

Happy Birthday Zander!

Love, Mom....because Momma is for babies...

Zander's Birthday Party

Earlier this year I announced to the world my stand against big birthday parties.  Don't misunderstand me.  A child's birthday should be special.  But let's get real, is the party for our child or to impress the guests? Is it necessary to shell out three hundred plus dollars on your kid's birthday?  Hmmm....or maybe I feel this way because I don't have an extra $300 in the budget to blow on a party?  Whatever the answer is, I declared last year, "NEVER AGAIN!"

Instead I wanted to make my child's birthday special by taking that money that would be spent for a birthday party and do something.  Being a family of six on one income we don't get to do a lot of stuff that smaller families do....like go eat at a fun restaurant then go to an amusement park or movie.  That was the plan....yeah, my kids didn't like it.

Zander, turning 6, kept talking about his birthday party....making plans....he wanted it to be at Big Splash, or Laser Tag, or Bounce U....like all his friends.  The truth is, we can't afford that.  I tried to persuade him that instead of a party we, as a family, could go to Big Splash or one of those other places, but he insisted that he wanted to invite his friends. 

Call me a liar or call me a push over, we ended up having a party.  But seriously, it was small compared to other extravagant parties.  

We spent an afternoon hand making our invitations and then delivered them to the neighborhood kids.  We bought a blow up pool at Aldi for only $16 and bought 4 boxes of sherbet popsicles for less then $2 apiece.  We had a couple of slip n slides (which we received as gifts earlier in the season) set up as well. 

For lunch we served Zander's favorite lunch....PB&J, Cheetos, grapes and pink lemonade. 

Cheeto hands!

When the kids got hot they came inside for craft time.  I bought visors from the Dollar Tree...3 for a $1!  They decorated them with glitter, stickers, and such....which I already had. 

All in all, the birthday was super fun and super cheap.  I decorated the inside of my house with left over luau stuff from a party several years ago. 

Pure joy.

One little boy said, "This is the best birthday party ever! " 

Best.  Feeling.  Ever. 

You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a fun birthday party.  I seriously believe that even IF we could afford the big party that we would opt NOT to have one....we're just minimalist like that.  On the other hand, I'm thankful that his friends have parties at all those fun places so my child can experience them....

Secret Agent Zander

I just had a very funny conversation with a couple of 5 year old boys.  Joe (the kid from next door) came down stairs from playing with the other children, looking very disturbed. 

"Ms. Dana?  Is Zander really a spy?"  Joe asked.

I had to pry.  "Why do you ask that?"

Kid by day, spy by night

"Well, Zander said he was.  A real one.  He said when you go to sleep at night he sneaks out of the house to his secret headquarters.  He said he fights bad guys that our in our neighborhood.  He says he's a ninja and he uses rocks as weapons.  Are there really bad guys in our neighborhood?" 

"He is just pretending Joe."  I tried to reassure him. 

Zander joined us downstairs. 

"Your mom said your not really a spy."  Joe told Zander.

"Yeah I am.  She has no clue.  She thinks I'm just her normal kid....but I'm really not."  He leans over and whispers in his friend's ear, "I'm a Secret Agent."   

"But there are no bad guys in our neighborhood!"  Joe exclaimed.

"Not anymore.  I fought them all.  Some tried to sneak in your house, but I fought them right in your front yard!  You must have been sleeping.  It was around midnight." 

"Zander!"  I gave him the look.  "He's pretending Joe."  I could see the look of concern in Joe's eyes. 

"Believe what you want."  Zander said with an evil grin. 

I have to admit that I'm a little impressed of this whole scheme he's got going on.   I love his imagination but is it really necessary to scare the neighbor kids??  Joe's parents are just gonna love this one.   

worms

I am never prepared for the conversations I have with my very grown up 5 year old, Zander.  Today at lunch we were talking about the worms they found earlier that morning.  The boys began to argue back and forth about the sex of a specific worm.  The largest fattest worm of the bunch.  Zander said it was a male because it was so big....Gavin said a female (fat and pregnant). 

They turned to me for the answer.  I don't like to just tell my kids what to believe and encourage them to find out for themselves...with every aspect of life....so I thought we would figure it out together.  We turned to google for the answer.  Here's what we read, "Worms are Hermaphrodites.  That means that each worm has male and female sex organs." 

I knew the answer to the question but had NO CLUE where our conversation was headed....

"Hmmm...Hermaphrodite?"  Zander said it over and over making sure he got the pronunciation correct.  The idea of something being both a girl and boy intrigued him....and cracked him up at the same time.

"Mom, can people be a hermaphrodite?" he asked me.

Uh-oh.  What should I tell him?!  Truth is best, right?

"Yes son.  There are some people born with both women and men parts." 

This sent him rolling on the floor with laughter.

I tried my best to explain to him that the way people are born is no laughing matter, hermaphrodites couldn't help the way they were born just like he couldn't help it if he has brown hair.  Thankfully he accepted this and stopped calling his little brother a hermaphrodite.

He begged me to look up pictures online and show him.  I refused, scared of the images I'd find if I googled the word. 

I am certain this conversation will backfire one day and he will ask a stranger at the the grocery store if they are a hermaphrodite.  Mark my words, he will not forget the word and embarrass the hell out of me.

Kindergarten Program

See him?  In the front row on the far left?

Zander had his kindergarten program Monday afternoon.  It was so sweet.  He sang his little heart out.  I got a real kick out of all his facial expressions.  He told me after the program, "Mom, I have zero stage fright." 

I am so in love with that little man.

Murphy's Law

"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong." 

There are two things that I am absolutely sure of by being a mother of 4 small children.  #1 I will have to do at least 15 loads of laundry every week .  #2 If we are running late to the bus stop in the morning one or both twins will have a dirty diaper.  Never fails. 

The other morning I was in ultra-frantic mode.  Running late....again. Trying to get 4 kids dressed, fed and out the door in a timely manner.  Like clockwork both girls left a nice deposit for me in their diapers just as we were trying to load up in the van.  I got aggravated and marched the kids back in the house. 

Zander (5) noticed my frustration and said, "It's ok Momma.  They just had to go poop.  It's ok if I miss the bus, you can just drop me off at school."  How is a five year old so much wiser than a 31 year old??  It isn't a big deal.  Murphy's law is true if you believe it...but my goal is to not give in the that frame of mind anymore.  Wish me luck!  

In a perfect world, I would get up 2 hours before my kids.  Take a shower, do a little yoga and meditation drink a cup of coffee with my husband before seeing him off to work.   Be totally awake and centered before diving head first into mommy-mode.   But that would put me at getting up at 5 am....ugh.  Do you get up earlier than your children?  If so when and why?  I totally want to try it, but the truth is I'm lazy in the mornings and kind of a night owl. 

Goodbye my baby boy...

Zander  "I'm going to start calling you Mom"

Me  "OK.  What did you call me before?"

Zander  "I called you Momma and I called Dad, Daddy.  I'm growing up Mom.  Now I will call you Mom and Dad."

**sniff, sniff**

Santa Clause is like God?!

This Christmas was, by far, the best Christmas we've ever had. The kids are at that age where it is very magical. I have to be careful with my words though. Zander is a very smart little boy. He has lots of questions and remembers EVERYTHING. If I lied to him he would definitely remember. He straight up asked me if their was really such thing as Santa Clause. The idea of a man making all those toys and delivering all over the world in a flying sled is a little far fetched for him. I could tell he wanted to believe, but he has such a "old soul" and can be very mature and logical.

I had no time to prepare and was really put on the spot. Here was my reply:

You can believe in whatever you want Zander. Remember how I told you that there are different religions? That some people believe in God, Buddha, Jesus or Allah? And others believe in nothing? Well, it's kinda like that. Some people don't believe in Santa Clause.

Yeah, I know. Not my best work. Now Santa is in the same category as God, but I paniced and that's what I said. I just wasn't ready to squash his imagination and dreams. He's only five!

He seemed to accept my answer though. After listening to my ridiculous speech he said, "Oh, ok. Well, I believe."

KFC

We were at my dad's house last weekend. I was playing cards with my dad and his 2 brothers. OU was getting their butt kicked on the muted television. A Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial came on.

"Do you like KFC Papa?" Zander asked.

"Sure do," he answered and my Uncle's agreed.

"I knew it!" Zander exclaimed. "I've been asking my mom to take me there since I was three years old but my dad said it's nasty and she won't take me. I knew it was good."

Growin' Up!

I've been in baby mode for at least 5+ years. From my calculations I've spent 30 months pregnant, 36 months breastfeeding, and changed at least 20,000 diapers (sorry mother earth)! No telling how many hours I've spent reading and researching baby "stuff" online. My identity has become mother and caregiver. I am totally ok with this. I love it....but a new phase is coming...and it is unknown territory...

My oldest baby is in kindergarten! It just doesn't seem possible for him to be in school. He is learning to read and write already! I went to his parent/teacher conference yesterday. His teacher told me that he is a great student. He participates in class, follows the rules, and has lots of friends. She said that he is the type of kid that school is easy for him and he is excelling in everything. His sweet teacher said, "We're doing something right." So nice to hear!

The fact that my the twins are my last babies is weird...but in a good way...don't think I'm crazy and gonna have another one! With my luck I'd be blessed with triplets. I'm defiantly enjoying them more...enjoying the small stuff. The giggles during bath time. The cute way that they are stingy with their kisses. The way they say "HI!" to everyone they pass at the grocery store.

When they say, "Enjoy your kids, they'll be grown up before you know it!" It's true. My hubby and I were watching old videos of the girls yesterday....we don't even know those babies anymore!! It's crazy how much they've grown! Before you know it they'll be reading you stories at night...sniff, sniff...

oh Zander...I mean, Jack...

Zander came home from school yesterday and informed me that he was going to change his name when he gets older.

"Why?" I asked. "I love your name."

He said, "Zander is fine for a kid name but not a grown up. When I get bigger I'm changing it to Jack. Don't you know that you can change your name when you get older? It's true, you can Mom."

Later that night we were outside on the driveway playing with sidewalk paint. I was showing off to all the neighborhood kids, and painted a portrait of Zander as a police officer, with a mohawk of course. Underneath the painting I printed out his name.

"Umm, Mom. Cops are grownups, write Jack not Zander."

Oh, how I love my first born.

Everyday I could write about the funny or insightful things he says.

Obama's Speech to Kids

There as been a lot of buzz on facebook and other blogs I read about Obama's dicision to address our children in school. Zander's in kindergarten this year. Do I think he should listen to our President? Absolutely.

I am looking forward to the day when Zander comes home from school excited, telling me that the President of the United States of America talked to HIS CLASS! How special and memorable. From what I understand, he is going to encourage and challenge our youth to do well in school....not talk about health care reform.

Another mother so kindly pointed out that I "would have a tantrum" if George W. Bush was going to speak to his class. This is so far from the truth. I am trying to raise open minded individuals and would NEVER forbid my child from listening to the leader of the free world. If anything it would open up the lines of communication.

Politics aside, he's our President. I love this country and want my children to love it too. We are writing history, and our kids are apart of it. I really don't understand the big deal. It's not like he is going to hypnotize or brainwash our children.

If you disagree, please let me know WHY...and make your argument better than ridiculous Hitler comparisons or socialist comments. Also, would we be so angry if the Mayor of Tulsa came to speak to our children's school? or the Governor of Oklahoma?

1st Day of School!

Zander started kindergarden today! My baby is growing up....sniff, sniff...

You know Zander had to make a fashion statement for the first day of school. He has been planning it for weeks...no joke. He seriously changed his mind 4 times! This is what he fianlly decided on. And I must say, he was stylin'! He stood in front of the mirror this morning, sporting his new mohawk, and said "When I walk in that school everyone is going to say, WOW! A rockstar goes to this school! " Yeah, my boy has no confidence issues...if anything he could scale it down a bit...


When he got home from school, I asked how his day was. He loves everything about school and told me everything in great detail what went on today. (A big improvement from last year, when he was wouldn't tell me what they did in school) He did get mad at me though...here's our conversation:


Me: So what else did you do today?


Zander: Well, I farted. Twice.


Me: laugh You did?


Zander: Why are you laughing? Farts aren't funny!!


Me: Well, everybody farts Zander. It's not a big deal. Sometimes people laugh at farts. Did other kids laugh today?


Zander: Yeah.


Me: Next time that happens, join them. Laugh with them. It's not a big deal.


Zander: Okay.

Going Skydiving

I want it on the record that my 5 year old picks out his own clothes. I do not dress him, what he wears is his choice. With that said, here is what he came up with the other day.

"Do you really need to wear that to the grocery store Zander?" I asked him.

"Yes. I'm going skydiving today. I need all this gear."

I can't wait to see him grow up. No telling what he'll be...he has such a wild imagination.