Yes, I'm still alive....

Yes.  It's been a while.  Some of you know that I have a "blog stalker".  It's really weird.  Someone has made numerous vulgar comments (which have all been deleted by me) in regards to my children....the latest of which has been a flat out proposition of sexual activities they want to perform on them.  Yeah.  I'm pissed.  So much so I have called the police and filed a police report....but nothing is being done. 

So here I am.  I lOVE to blog....but understandably haven't been "in the mood" lately. 

What would YOU do if you were in my shoes? 

Letting Go

Yesterday I took the girls to the doctor, without an appointment, with Gavin in tow, during nap time, by myself. Yeah. Not my brightest mommy moment, but wanted them seen.....pronto.

You know how it is when you start googling symptoms. In my defense, it was a big deal. Camille developed a staph infection from an ongoing battle with a "diaper rash." Not going to go into all the gory details, but she had a single hard bump under her skin where the elastic around the leg was with a few surrounding pimple like bumps. She would scream in pain when I touched it....my poor baby. She was also running a low grade fever.

I rushed her to the doctor. There I waited. And waited. And waited. For 2 hours.

It was zero fun. But I did learn a little something about myself. I am becoming stronger. I felt myself beginning to stress out. The twins refused to sit in their strollers. Gavin was unhappy with the snacks and coloring books I brought for him and was bratty very unpleasant. Maya was on some sort of "lack of sleep high" and running around like a little banshee. And poor little Camille was screaming the majority of the time. Top it off with judgmental onlookers and the outspoken annoyed receptionists. The situation was enough to rattle Buddha himself. At one point I felt myself getting emotional and feeling sucked into all the bad energy around me. But I noticed it and brought myself back to the present. I can't control everything....so I stopped trying. I just let it all go and took a breath.

I hugged my crying baby, singing her favorite song (You Are My Sunshine) and started to pace the halls encouraging Maya to sing along. Eventually, Gavin joined us and decided to lead our singing parade. We ignored the huffs of the grumpy old man trying to read his newspaper,the teenager trying sleep and his angry mother. I then jokingly asked the receptionist if she preferred my singing to the crying baby. After that things calmed down. Camille started to fall asleep in my arms and the other two children started coloring. Then surprise, my sister walked in! She just happened to be getting her stitches out that day! I have never been so happy to see her!

Slowly I am learning to give up my expectations of how I think things should be. And I am beginning to not care how others view me.  Not to mention my need to control every situation. Letting go of all that. It really does make life easier.

Growin' Up!

I've been in baby mode for at least 5+ years. From my calculations I've spent 30 months pregnant, 36 months breastfeeding, and changed at least 20,000 diapers (sorry mother earth)! No telling how many hours I've spent reading and researching baby "stuff" online. My identity has become mother and caregiver. I am totally ok with this. I love it....but a new phase is coming...and it is unknown territory...

My oldest baby is in kindergarten! It just doesn't seem possible for him to be in school. He is learning to read and write already! I went to his parent/teacher conference yesterday. His teacher told me that he is a great student. He participates in class, follows the rules, and has lots of friends. She said that he is the type of kid that school is easy for him and he is excelling in everything. His sweet teacher said, "We're doing something right." So nice to hear!

The fact that my the twins are my last babies is weird...but in a good way...don't think I'm crazy and gonna have another one! With my luck I'd be blessed with triplets. I'm defiantly enjoying them more...enjoying the small stuff. The giggles during bath time. The cute way that they are stingy with their kisses. The way they say "HI!" to everyone they pass at the grocery store.

When they say, "Enjoy your kids, they'll be grown up before you know it!" It's true. My hubby and I were watching old videos of the girls yesterday....we don't even know those babies anymore!! It's crazy how much they've grown! Before you know it they'll be reading you stories at night...sniff, sniff...

This to shall pass...

I am sitting at the kitchen table, trying to muster up enough willpower to not crawl into bed and cry. It's been one of those days.

I got up extra early this morning, and took Ely to the airport at 4:30 AM. He'll be gone for a week....a meditation retreat in Florida. This change in events have really thrown off the usually scheduled day.

When I got home, I had an hour to myself, then it was time to wake the kids and get Zander ready for school.

From school we met up with some friends for a playdate. Had a great time. Afterwords went to lunch with friends...from there things started to go south...

When we got home I decided I needed to take a nap with the kids. I was starting to get delirious from lack of sleep!

When the kids nap, I usually get caught up with housework...but not today....the house is still a wreck. A clean house is a sign of an unlived life, right? sigh.

After naps, loaded my crew up n the minivan, and picked Zander up from school. From there we went to Target. Mistake. My theory was, the house is a mess, Ely's not there to pick up the slack, so I'm just going to take the kids shoe shopping and do a drive through on the way home. Good idea, but Gavin (the leader of the Irish Mafia) did not agree to this plan. As soon as we entered Target my dear son threw a tantrum, yelling and crying that he wanted chocolate milk from Starbucks. I just bribed him in the van on the way there ...."If you are good boys, you get a happy meal!" I thought I had my bases covered. Hey, no judging, I'm not above bribing my kids. You try shopping with 4 little ones!

Let me get back to this tantrum. I can not express to you the lengths he went. From jumping, to stomping, to yelling and screaming. Nothing was working so he tried to make himself sick! He actually said, "Mom, if you don't stop I'm going to throw up!"

I was mortified. I pulled him to the bathroom....let me add that I'm pushing a double stroller AND physically dragging a 3 year old behind me. The whole time he is yelling, "No Mom! You're hurting me! I don't want a spankin!"

We get into the bathroom, he gets a spanking, and I sit him in the corner where he then proceeds to try to make himself sick.

I am ready to crumble and break down. Why is he acting this way?! I was on the verge of tears when a woman came out of the stall. She said, "It's nice to see a mother disciplining her child in public. So many just threaten. You're doing a good job dear." And she left.

I NEEDED that little pick me up. Thank you mystery lady! It's so hard not to let your emotions control you...especially when your children are acting up. Things didn't get better after that little incident, but oh-well. This to shall pass.

This seems to be the boy's favorite spot.

Well it's nearly 9:oo at night and breakfast dishes are still in the sink. Off to take care of laundry and chores that didn't get done today. How do single parents do it?

Moving

LeLe & Camille

Most of you who read this blog already know that we are moving soon. Ely and I moved to Oklahoma for a few reasons. #1 Zander was a baby and I was a now a stay at home mom. Huge change, and wanted to be around family. #2 We wanted to get out of debt and then move to our "dream" destination....somewhere in the mountains.

We have payed off the majority of our debt...all credit card and medical & most of school. We want to buy a home, and have been trying to decide where. We both loved Nashville, TN. So we decided to move back. Ely got a job with his old employer, he starts the beginning of April. That's only weeks away!!

I am excited about a new adventure in our lives, but am totally sad! It has really sunk in after telling my family. They, understandably, don't want us to move because they love the children and want to be near them. I am going to miss all the love and support I get from them. Help with doctor appointments, babysitters, and relationships. AHHHH!!! I want to cry. Is this a good idea? Can I do it by myself!? I'm getting cold feet....

Living in the moment

Camille was so tiny she was dressed in a build a bear outfit!

This post isn’t about funny things the kids did…instead it’s inspired by an episode of Oprah I watched today. In short, it was about a busy working mother of two who accidentally left her two year old daughter in the car for eight hours. My first reaction was how could anyone EVER do that! That could never happen to me!

But as I listened to the grieving mother’s horrible story I realized how how “easy” something like this could occur. The toddlers father usually took the girls to preschool but he had a dentist appointment one morning…so the mother was suppose to. She dropped off her older daughter…but it was still to early to drop off her two year old…so stopped to buy doughnuts for her coworkers. Instinctively, she drove to work and proceeded with her day. Eight hours later her daughter was found by a fellow teacher. The baby’s skin was peeling off and foam coming out of her mouth. The mother just held her daughter’s limp body running through the parking lot screaming. I thought how could a “good mother” do this? How could she live with herself? My heart goes out to her…

How many times have I driven home, pulled in my driveway and couldn’t remember the drive home? The other day I accidentally left one of the twins on the front porch after coming in from picking Zander up from school. (only for about 3 minutes!) A few months ago I left all my groceries at reasors!

As a mother of four young children my life is BUSY 24/7…it’s so easy to forget things…especaily if you get off your routine! As mothers we need to STOP and take control of our lives. I know all day I am multitasking…while I’m giving the boys a bath I’m cleaning the toilet. I’m unloading the dishwasher, breastfeeding and helping Zander with his homework all at the same time.
We need to SLOW DOWN!!! This show was a major wake up call…