Friday, January 30, 2009

Pulling my hair out.

Breath in. Breath out. This to shall pass...
This is what I've been repeating in my head all day. Nothing terrible happened, it's just been a long day. It started out like any other day. The twins actually slept through the night, so I got a full nights sleep. We had lunch with my grandmother at a restaurant called Mamadou's in Glenpool. I was told they had great home cooked food, all fresh. If you call frozen chicken tenders thrown in a deep fryer, canned green beans cooked in diced ham and onions, and a loaded baked potato with artificial cheese fresh, then sure, it was fresh. After that meal, the day went down hill.

Gavin cried the whole way home. At first it was cute, he wanted to stay with his great grandmother....I figured he would stop eventually....he did when he finally passed out. I carried him in the house, trying not to wake him, but to no avail. He woke up and remembered he was upset. I put him in his room for his afternoon nap, but my stubborn two year old refused to go to sleep. He just laid in his bed playing. After an hour I let him up....mistake...for the rest of the day he was a tyrant. He thinks it's funny when the babies fall over from a sitting position. He's been pestering his older brother. (Standing in front of the TV, repeating everything he says...normal little brother)

And Zander...sigh...he's been extra annoying, talking loudly and he thinking he already knows everything. He 's been very argumentative today. I can only imagine what he's going to be like when he's a teenager!
Like I said, nothing "bad" happened fact it was just an average day for this mother of four ages four and under (except for the nasty lunch I had, which I ate because I was starving).
A part of me wants to delete this post...because it's not funny, informative or cute...but it's real, so I'm not. I went into the laundry room today and just cried...I just feel overwhelmed. I put all the kids to bed early tonight (don't know what I'm going to do when they learn how to tell time). Ely (my husband) is hanging out with a buddy tonight. So the house is finally quiet and I'm enjoying a glass of my husbands home brewed beer. Life is good again...jk.

I love my children with all my heart. I would do anything and everything for them. It's just so hard right now. I am physically exhausted at the end of each day. I have 3 in diapers, twins that are crawling and into everything, the other a wild two year old who is REALLY into everything and acting out for attention. Then on top of that, a preschooler who is following me around all day talking my ear off. Today it was just to much. Looking back, I got frustrated to easily and didn't have enough patience. I found myself yelling more than talking. I think Gavin is immune to my yelling...because it totally doesn't phase him. I do not want to be a nagging mother who yells...I want to be a loving, nurturing gentle mother who has fun with her children. A mother that I never had. Thankfully children are very forgiving and tomorrow morning will be a brand new day.

Look at that sweet face! He used half the bottle of shampoo on his dry hair :)

1 comment:

Darla said...

Oh wow! I feel like I don't have any free time just taking care of my boys! I really feel for you on days like this. As you said, they are very forgiving and will love you all the same!